Well at least in a small way. I still think we are doomed to die a slow horrible death at our own hand due to our own ignorance, but that post is for another day. Today we are discussing hope and the capacity for sound logical discussion to actually influence people's opinions.
So you may be wondering what prompts this odd perspective of enlightenment? Well three things actually. First one is rather simple. I have been in self imposed exile within my home for the last week. Today I was forced to leave the house to drive my older brother to school so I could have the car to get my mother to the airport this afternoon. So I ended up driving my brother to school, and my wife to work and will be taking my mom to the airport this afternoon Even though it may sound obvious, just the act of getting out of the house improved my mood drastically.
Second factor contributing to my enlightened opinion today. I got accepted into the program I wanted at the University. Which in over itself is not a huge deal, but my program has one of the most competitive entrance requirements at this University with a minimum GPA of 3.4 for transfer students. In any case getting accepted required them using the best 10 classes instead of the last 10 classes. This left some uncertainty into whether I would get in or not, and as luck would have it, they used the best 10 classes. It is nice to see an institution be able to look past a obviously messed up semester and see my true brilliance for what it is (yes I know I'm laying it on thick, but I feel smart today so oh well)
Third, and most important factor. The ongoing feud my family has had with my wife's parents over the upcoming family reunion ended last night. We received an e-mail with a sincere apology, and a personal invitation to attend the reunion. Honestly this surprised me as much as the insistence that I not show up. What this shows though is a remarkable ability in my in-laws to humble themselves and admit they were wrong.
Most people hide behind their religion to justify their intolerant ways. In my dispute with them I used their religions doctrine to argue my point. While they initially refused to acknowledge the fact that I was not perverting their doctrine to suit myself, they have since realized that they were in the wrong. It is an amazing trait to be able to admit wrong doing, and while I still am very wary of them and their intentions, I fully intend to give them a fresh start.
Life on Earth would be a near Utopian existence, and Humanity itself would be generations ahead of where we now are if we could all learn how to openly admit our faults and mistakes. Only by acknowledging fault, or incorrectness, can we ever hope to improve ourselves. Today a small step in that direction was made, and I give credit where credit is due.
Showing posts with label Family Reunions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Reunions. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Victims are Victims
Is it ever acceptable to tell someone in a wheel chair not to do certain activities because it has the possibility of making someone else uncomfortable? Regardless of who you are, I'm fairly certain you know the answer to that is, No, it is never acceptable. Similarly with rape victims being blamed for "causing" the rape. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you all get the point.
Why is it that as a society we understand this fundamental truth of basic human rights, but for some reason we choose to ignore that truth when we are confronted with the unknown?
Is it Religion? Culture? Privilege? Perceived Expectations? Likely a blend of them all with a smattering of many other factors mixed in. As a member of the human race, I find it sickening that almost every human being out there (myself included) has at one point or another been of the opinion that their discomfort is the fault of some innocent person. Why do we as a society force the person, who has no choice, into an unpleasant situation rather then make effort to change our own feelings and comfortableness with the situation?
Now with that in mind, let me tell you about my specific problem with this tendency. About 2 months ago, my wife and I drove three hours each way to pay a visit to my wife's parents and tell them in person about my transition to living full time as a female. We arrived on a Friday night and ended up going to see the opening night of Fiddler on the Roof at the community theater. I had never seen that musical, nor had any idea what it was about (hint, it has little, if nothing to do with Fiddles on Roofs). Here is the wiki if you happen to be as uncouth as I am. As luck would have it the entire premise of the musical is change, accepting change, and teaches the lesson that change is not some horrible four letter word.
The next morning, after breakfast, we were sitting around talking about various issues with the topic being steered in the direction of change. After about an hour of this, I finally got the nerve to tell them. Turns out, in their words, "they helped a transsexual not commit suicide during their transition in the 60s." Which was shocking to say the least, these are two Mormons with a long lineage of Mormon ancestry. In any case we had a pleasant discussion about how we would inform everyone, talked about my plans to mass-email people I didn't not have the means to tell in person, they gave their opinions about various people who should be given a more personalized approach, and afterward and ended up driving back home on a very good note.
About 3 weeks ago this all changed. We received an e-mail from her parents advising us to not tell anyone that didn't need to know until they absolutely needed to know. Basically they wanted us to hide and deceive everyone and not send out a mass email. This is rather hypocritical coming from Mormons to say the least. In any case, we ignored them and sent out the e-mail in the form of a wonderful prose that told everyone who I was. We then confirmed, on Facebook, our attendance at the family reunion this summer. This then began a back and forth escalating e-mail "battle" in first suggesting that my wife and kids go to the reunion without me, and began to morph into an outright war, "The reunion is on private property and if you attend we will call the police, ... but we'd still love to have your wife and kids come." Apparently I was a danger to the celebratory nature of the event because other people would be tense and worried about exposing their kids to me, and as a result many families would choose not to go if I went. Apparently 6 months is too little time to give people to digest that I am a woman, and that in addition to not telling them at all, I needed to give them more time to accept this (what brain does this make sense in?). In addition, they have said they are the spokespeople for their family and everyone else feels this way. They personally don't feel this way, it's really just their siblings. However we have got nothing but good positive, accepting responses from anyone who has decided to respond. So the real question is, how much crack cocaine are they using every day?
Why do they feel justified in excluding one member of their daughters family simply because my hair is longer then before, I wear clothes that was purchased out of the women section of the store and identify as a woman, rather then a man. What difference does time make. What does the incongruity between my biologic gender and my gender presentation have to do with attendance at family camp? Why are they so blind to reality that they have chosen to blame me for the "potential uncomfortableness?" I understand that it is certainly me who would be the focus of this unpleasantness. That I would be the excuse people would use in their justification of why they did not attend. However I fail to see the logic in any of that reasoning.
I cannot control what other people feel, think, or do. Why would they assign blame to me because other people are intolerant and fearful of the unknown. I don't care one bit what someone thinks of me, or my situation. Expecting me to hide in shame and fear because of other people's potential discomfort is absolute bull crap. If this wasn't the one year the event was on private property, I would just show up regardless, but I am a little concerned about driving, with four children, six hours one way, only to be thrown out by the police. Needless to say, it is a family reunion and, my family is of the opinion that if they want to specifically exclude one member of our family, then they are choosing to exclude us all.
So what is the point of this rant? I don't know, possibly I just wanted to rant. Maybe it was to illustrate the need for everyone of us to constantly work towards overcoming our fear of the unknown, to change our own perception into a more accepting and understanding approach. I would love to be able state what would appear to be obvious, that this is a direct result of them being Mormon, but I know that is not a true statement. I spent 13 years in the Mormon church before freeing myself and I know for a fact that this behavior is directly against Mormon doctrine about this specific situation. The Mormons may have no love for Transsexuals, and may actively fight against the legislation of their rights, but they also make the same fight against the legislation of rights for women. And they also specifically counsel members to love, support and be close to family members who may be homosexual, transsexual, drug addicts, or be in various other situations that are contrary to doctrine. No worthy Mormon could ever do what these people are doing. So despite my extreme dislike for their organization, it is not directly their fault. However the teachings of their church certainly create an environment of fear and intolerance which indirectly places blame on them, but doesn't remove it from the individual at all.
I am including the Serenity Prayer as a closing statement. I may not be religious, but growing up with a Alcohol Dependent father has taught me the many truths contained within it.
Why is it that as a society we understand this fundamental truth of basic human rights, but for some reason we choose to ignore that truth when we are confronted with the unknown?
Is it Religion? Culture? Privilege? Perceived Expectations? Likely a blend of them all with a smattering of many other factors mixed in. As a member of the human race, I find it sickening that almost every human being out there (myself included) has at one point or another been of the opinion that their discomfort is the fault of some innocent person. Why do we as a society force the person, who has no choice, into an unpleasant situation rather then make effort to change our own feelings and comfortableness with the situation?
Now with that in mind, let me tell you about my specific problem with this tendency. About 2 months ago, my wife and I drove three hours each way to pay a visit to my wife's parents and tell them in person about my transition to living full time as a female. We arrived on a Friday night and ended up going to see the opening night of Fiddler on the Roof at the community theater. I had never seen that musical, nor had any idea what it was about (hint, it has little, if nothing to do with Fiddles on Roofs). Here is the wiki if you happen to be as uncouth as I am. As luck would have it the entire premise of the musical is change, accepting change, and teaches the lesson that change is not some horrible four letter word.
The next morning, after breakfast, we were sitting around talking about various issues with the topic being steered in the direction of change. After about an hour of this, I finally got the nerve to tell them. Turns out, in their words, "they helped a transsexual not commit suicide during their transition in the 60s." Which was shocking to say the least, these are two Mormons with a long lineage of Mormon ancestry. In any case we had a pleasant discussion about how we would inform everyone, talked about my plans to mass-email people I didn't not have the means to tell in person, they gave their opinions about various people who should be given a more personalized approach, and afterward and ended up driving back home on a very good note.
About 3 weeks ago this all changed. We received an e-mail from her parents advising us to not tell anyone that didn't need to know until they absolutely needed to know. Basically they wanted us to hide and deceive everyone and not send out a mass email. This is rather hypocritical coming from Mormons to say the least. In any case, we ignored them and sent out the e-mail in the form of a wonderful prose that told everyone who I was. We then confirmed, on Facebook, our attendance at the family reunion this summer. This then began a back and forth escalating e-mail "battle" in first suggesting that my wife and kids go to the reunion without me, and began to morph into an outright war, "The reunion is on private property and if you attend we will call the police, ... but we'd still love to have your wife and kids come." Apparently I was a danger to the celebratory nature of the event because other people would be tense and worried about exposing their kids to me, and as a result many families would choose not to go if I went. Apparently 6 months is too little time to give people to digest that I am a woman, and that in addition to not telling them at all, I needed to give them more time to accept this (what brain does this make sense in?). In addition, they have said they are the spokespeople for their family and everyone else feels this way. They personally don't feel this way, it's really just their siblings. However we have got nothing but good positive, accepting responses from anyone who has decided to respond. So the real question is, how much crack cocaine are they using every day?
Why do they feel justified in excluding one member of their daughters family simply because my hair is longer then before, I wear clothes that was purchased out of the women section of the store and identify as a woman, rather then a man. What difference does time make. What does the incongruity between my biologic gender and my gender presentation have to do with attendance at family camp? Why are they so blind to reality that they have chosen to blame me for the "potential uncomfortableness?" I understand that it is certainly me who would be the focus of this unpleasantness. That I would be the excuse people would use in their justification of why they did not attend. However I fail to see the logic in any of that reasoning.
I cannot control what other people feel, think, or do. Why would they assign blame to me because other people are intolerant and fearful of the unknown. I don't care one bit what someone thinks of me, or my situation. Expecting me to hide in shame and fear because of other people's potential discomfort is absolute bull crap. If this wasn't the one year the event was on private property, I would just show up regardless, but I am a little concerned about driving, with four children, six hours one way, only to be thrown out by the police. Needless to say, it is a family reunion and, my family is of the opinion that if they want to specifically exclude one member of our family, then they are choosing to exclude us all.
So what is the point of this rant? I don't know, possibly I just wanted to rant. Maybe it was to illustrate the need for everyone of us to constantly work towards overcoming our fear of the unknown, to change our own perception into a more accepting and understanding approach. I would love to be able state what would appear to be obvious, that this is a direct result of them being Mormon, but I know that is not a true statement. I spent 13 years in the Mormon church before freeing myself and I know for a fact that this behavior is directly against Mormon doctrine about this specific situation. The Mormons may have no love for Transsexuals, and may actively fight against the legislation of their rights, but they also make the same fight against the legislation of rights for women. And they also specifically counsel members to love, support and be close to family members who may be homosexual, transsexual, drug addicts, or be in various other situations that are contrary to doctrine. No worthy Mormon could ever do what these people are doing. So despite my extreme dislike for their organization, it is not directly their fault. However the teachings of their church certainly create an environment of fear and intolerance which indirectly places blame on them, but doesn't remove it from the individual at all.
I am including the Serenity Prayer as a closing statement. I may not be religious, but growing up with a Alcohol Dependent father has taught me the many truths contained within it.
- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
- courage to change the things I can,
- and wisdom to know the difference.
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